Blah.

The sun has finally come out, and just in time for summer vacation. It's so nice to have it instead of the clouds and rain that we've been seeing. Me and the girls are up at "the lake" (Flathead Lake) spending the weekend with Erik's mom. It's been great so far. Yesterday we spent the morning garage saling and all of us found some great deals. Kera picked up a brand-new/never used Easy Bake oven for $1 (it is old, we'll see if the mixes are still active) and I found a bread machine in great/barely used condition for $7. I can't wait to get it home, try it out and tell you all about it! Then after we'd returned and regrouped, we played outside in the garden, Erik's mom dug up some starts for me of oregano, thyme, and mint. I can't wait to get them home and planted! After we'd had enough of the beautiful outdoors, we spent the rest of the day beading in the studio. It was a fun, girls day for sure.

Even though its beautiful out and we're having a wonderful start to our summer vacation, I'm feeling really rather blah, for lack of a better word to describe it. I think its do to my lack of running this week. If you'll remember, I blogged briefly about my right shin hurting. Well, it did hurt, but on Monday I did workout, core and treadmill walking, despite that, and it felt okay at the time. But then that night it hurt, not to walk around, but just sitting still in bed, it hurt. So, on Tuesday I did some online reading about shin pain, because I've had shin splints before and this felt different. After reading about how shin splints can be mistaken for stress fractures, I got scared. I started to ice my leg several times a a day for 15-20 minutes. I didn't run on Tuesday, actually I didn't do anything except walk around for Kera's field trip. It felt somewhat better that night.  I did the same thing on Wednesday and again, it felt even better that night. Then on Thursday I couldn't not do anything for workout, so I did some easy yoga. Although it felt good, it's seriously nothing compared to what I'd normally do. I was noticing my tendency to want to eat more even though I wasn't working out. I know that I use food as a coping mechanism and I just wasn't feeling right without the running I guess. Not working out and eating more is not a good combination and I was having to fight off negative thoughts about myself as a result. I didn't have time to ice it on Friday with the end of school and all, but it was barely hurting so I wasn't too concerned. Friday and Saturday I didn't workout at all and didn't ice it at all, but like I said, hardly any pain. I was hopeful that it was getting better. Last night before going to bed, I planned to run this morning.

I woke up feeling crummy thanks to womanly hormone stuff, which doesn't help me feel like running, but then I felt a twinge of pain in my right leg. I decided not to run. Then I got a text from one of my running buddies about how they ran 11 miles today. I am excited for them but feeling really blah for myself. I keep doubting myself, should I try running today? I'm afraid that if I try, the shin will hurt more. I should probably try, how will I know if I try, right? But I would hate to overdo it and be really injured if all I need is another day of rest to be 100%. But then I wonder if what I have is not just shin splints and it doesn't matter how many rest days I take. I am worried that missing a week (or more) of training will kill my running the half in July. I honestly have fleeting thoughts like this, "Maybe I just won't do the marathon. Maybe I'm just done running."

What is that? I enjoy running and I need to workout, so giving up running is just ridiculous. There's no way I'd seriously entertain that thought, but the fact that it pops into my head reveals a truth that I'm just grasping now:

 Running helps me be happy. Without it I start to get in some kind of funk, which is why I feel blah. Call it the runner's high if you want, it could be that or the endorphins released by exercise or just the feeling of being alive or capable of running, but I seriously need it. I am pretty sure my family is going to want me to have it soon, too.

I was going to go do some more yoga here in a bit, but maybe I'll lace up my shoes and just see what happens...