To remember

Yesterday my sister and I went to the mall and had our toenails done.

It's the second year of a tradition that I'm sure will continue.

We do it to remember

our

 beautiful

fun

adventurous

loved

and

dearly missed

cousin Amy.

Monday would've been her 31st birthday. Tragically, its also the day she died, two years ago. We decided to get our nails done, in honor of her, and I think she'd have done the same thing. It's weird to think that she's not here anymore. It makes me very grateful that her family and ours lived in the same city for long enough that we made some really great cousin memories. It's nice to have good memories of her to think about during these times.

I've also been thinking, lately, that I need to do something. Something besides remember with pretty toenails. You see, she is the second person that I've been close to that has chosen to end their own life. Back in college, I lost a dear friend to suicide as well. They had different situations, but I think in both cases it boils down to the desperation that it was the only solution. I feel like I need to do something with my own experience in dealing with these losses, but I'm at a loss as to know what to do. How can one really make a difference in situations like my friends? like my cousins?

My sister works in the mental health field and so has resources and opportunities that I probably wouldn't be aware of otherwise. She's participating in an "Out of the Darkness Community Watch" here in September put on by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. She emailed out a request for support, I believe it is kind of like the cancer walk, where you get donors and then you walk for a whole day. And at first I thought that of course I would make a donation of support, but then I thought that I should join her team and walk as well. That seems like it would be doing more, at least for now. There's got to be something else out there for me to do, as well.