Monday, February 18, 2008

Great Expectations

I've learned a lot about expectations since I got married. I know I expected things of people prior to that, and was let down, but I don't think its ever been more striking (or funny) than it is in marriage.

For example, a week or so ago Erik and I got into a fight over soup. Yeah, soup. I had left a leftover container about half full of soup on the counter to the right a bit of the sink after warming some up for Lindsay for dinner. Not too much later he went over to the sink to do the dishes. I looked over just as he was dumping the rest of that container of soup down the sink and I freaked out.

"What are you doing? That was half-full and we were going to eat it for lunch tomorrow!"

"Well what are you doing putting it by the sink? We are always throwing away food the girls don't eat!"

"That was far away from the sink, didn't you just see me warming up some for Lindsay to eat?"

And it went on. It was stupid. All because I expected him to know what to do or to ask what to do with that silly soup. I apologized that same night for being such a freak and we've long since gotten over the soup, but the issue of expectation & communicaiton is an ongoing one in our relationship.

I don't know why, but its more common for me to be let down in my expectations within my marriage than in any other relationship. It might be because I'm closest to him and think he should know me well enough to just know my expectations and fullfill them. Or maybe its because I feel like I know his expectations (when in reality I probably really don't know) and so he should then know mine. Yeah, pretty illogical, isn't it?

This is where it all boils down to communication. If I don't communicate my needs or wants, how can I expect him to fullfill them? I can't. Yet I fall into that trap all the time, as if he has the power to read my mind. I think its hard for me to say I need something. I'm the one meeting everyone's needs in the house -- thats my job now -- so there is kind of a mental block I have between that and asking for help with my own needs. Not that I'm needy, but I think you get what I'm saying. So it is something I am working on.

1 comment:

  1. LOL. Little fights happen sometimes. You can't live with someone and not clash every now and again.

    Everybody always needs to work on being a good listener and communicator. If you didn't, then you would never be able to improve.


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