We woke up this morning to fog. The kind that hangs thickly in the sky, coating the sidewalks and roads to make them icy. It's almost noon and I've yet to see the sun or the mountains that surround our town. I can't even see some of the houses below us on the hill. Looking out my window and not really being able to see is disconcerting.
The weather seems to match my mood pretty well today, however. I am troubled. I am saddened and I admit I am a bit weepy. I had a dream last night that basically boiled down to Kera being stolen from me in the church bathroom. I realized too late that she'd been taken and ran, screaming down the hall to catch "That lady who stole my kid". But no one was in time. Out we ran to a driveway that was set up like a winding, pretzeling race track to try to run to catch up to the car. I was crying and screaming and clenching my hands into fists in my dream. I woke up and my hands were asleep, as if I'd been clenching them in real life as well.
As a mom, that was definitely a nightmare. And yet, there is a family right now living in the sleepy little town that I once called home that is actually living that nightmare. A high school teacher went out for a job Saturday morning and no one has seen her since. Hundreds of folks in the town are searching for her and all that's been found is her shoe. I don't know her because we moved away before I hit high school, I could've had her husband as an English teacher in middle school. But it's still troubling. Sidney is a small town and a majority of my extended family lives there. It's scary to think something like this could happen there. I keep praying that she'll be found and be okay, but part of me doubts that there will be a happy ending to this.
So there's that. Then I also have a dear friend who is struggling with some major health stuff. Stuff that is keeping her from her job, from church, from the things in life she enjoys. She's been hanging in there, though, and has a bit more to hang in before she can see some experts who will hopefully have some answers for her. I have hope and faith that God will heal her, but I realized yesterday how much I miss seeing her and our deep talks about life. So, she's weighing rather heavily on my heart right now.
And then, last but not least, is a conversation that I need to have with another friend. I've put it off for awhile because I just didn't want to do it. I think maybe I hoped the issue would just fade into life and I could move on. But, it hasn't and because I have a conviction about this and because I love her enough to talk to her about it, I'm going to do it. It won't be easy for me and I'm hopeful that she'll take it well, but there's no way to know.
My heart is heavy with all this today, just like the sky is heavy with fog. It's kind of like God is telling me that he knows exactly how I feel, and that in fact, he feels that way too.