Sometimes it doesn't matter how much flexible time you have, some things are just not meant to be.
At the beginning of the school year I asked the girls what they'd want to do this year, as an extracurricular thing. Both said without a doubt, girl scouts. So, we waited patiently for the info flyer to be sent home and in the meantime I threw away every other flyer about the childrens theater, soccer, etc. that came home. Then, finally, yay, the flyer arrived all bright and shiney and promising in their agendas. Once again we couldn't make it to the informational night, so I diligently called the number listed to give them the girls' names as interested.
Then we waited for a call back.
About a week later I got the call. Turns out the troops are based on age and so they are in different troops, there is a leader for the older girls but not the younger girls. I knew they both really wanted to do it, so I expressed an interest in helping with the younger girls troop. The gal gave me a little information and it sounded very flexible and not much responsibility, so I said that I'd like to attend the leaders meeting to find out more. And I asked Kera if she'd like me to be her troop leader. She was excited, of course.
Due to sickness and travel plans I wasn't able to make the leaders info meeting so I set up a one-on-one time with the gal. That was also rescheduled due to sickness/travel, but finally, last week I was able to meet with her. I spent 1.5 hours with her and came away with a manilla envelope full of information and an overwhelming weight on my shoulders. At first glance it seemed like more than I'd anticipated. But I was optimistic and the gal was so nice and helpful that I thought I could do it.
I took home the information and my game plan. But then Erik had a really crazy week at work last week, as in working everyday. And then we had stuff almost every night too. And the dam broke on the stress and busyness that we were trying to hold back. I took a hard look at the logisitcs of having two possible (some weeks 3) nights filled up with girl scouts, with finding childcare for Lindz while I was at Kera's troop and the fact that I had no co-leader and I was responsible for finding a location, etc. I realized it just wasn't going to work for me to to lead Kera's troop. I gave it the weekend to think about, to pray about, but when yesterday dawned I knew I would have to call the gal and tell her the truth: that I was overwhelmed by the responsibility of it and that I just couldn't commit to it at this time. I still wanted to help with the girls' troops, but in a non-regular type of way.
I didn't look forward to calling her, I felt like I'd wasted her time and was letting her down. I also felt bad for Kera, that if I didn't do the troop, who would type of the guilt. But I can't go into something because I feel guilty about not doing it, I have to do something because I want to or else I'll just end up resenting it.
So I called her and she was understanding and it was okay. I felt good about it, although a bit pathetic that I'd even volunteer in the first place. Oh well, lesson learned.
But then I emailed Lindsay's troop leader because in the meantime we'd missed her specific troop parent informational night meeting. (are you seeing the trend here? lotso meetings). She got back to me quickly and I was extremely bummed to find out that they had all agreed that the troop meetings would be two Wednesdays a month (sometimes 3) at 6:30 pm downtown. That is bad in two ways: its on Wednesday smack dab in the middle of our church time and its as far away from church as possible. The opportunity of Lindsay doing girl scouts fizzled right in front of my eyes.
At dinner last night I had to break the bad news, that not only would I not be leading Kera's troop but that Lindsay couldn't go to hers. So, in essense, neither girl will probably be doing girl scouts this year even though its the one thing they both wanted to do.
Sometimes being a parent is tough. I hate disappointing them like that.