Monday, April 6, 2009

A few thoughts, sans pictures

It's a beautiful out today--I think spring may finally be on its way for real. It's about time, I was getting really, really tired of the cold and snow. Although, it being Montana and all, the snow is probably not entirely gone, but at least the weather is starting to cooperate a little. I'll take what I can get! I was able to run outside again on Sunday for the first time in a month or so and I decided it would be good to run on the route behind my house to get some hills under my belt. There is a pretty big one at Bloomsday, affectionately known as "Doomsday Hill", and I'm nowhere near ready for it, but I figured doing at least a little bit of hillwork would help at least a little. I only did five miles and not too fast either, I think my pace was right at 11 min miles, but man oh man, today my legs are so SORE! I know its from hills and the thing is its not just from going up the hill, cuz going down the hill is just as hard on you as I so learned from a recent Runner's World. But its a feel good pain, so I'm trying not to complain too much! :-) I just know now that I will be doing hills for the next month though!

Tomorrow is Kindergarten registration at our grade school--it's been "Lindsay's School" up until this point but soon it will be "the girls' school". Crazy. Can someone please explain to me how my "baby" is old enough to go to school?? I must confess, with as much of me that is sad to see her go to school there is an equal part of me that is excited to see what I can do with my free time next year! ;-)

Yesterday was a pretty significant day for my family and I'm still trying to figure out how I even feel about it. It was the year anniversary of my cousin's death, but it was also her birthday. I've blogged about her before, especially right around her death last year so I wont' go into details. One of her dearest friends, my sister and I went and got our nails done yesterday in honor of her--she always had her nails filed and painted all pretty--its something she would've wanted us to do I think. It was easy to feel sad again--or maybe its just a feeling of sadness that doesn't go away, just gets stronger at times--despite trying to have the mindset to celebrate her. Her mother, sisters, husband and kids put notes and memories from her friends and family onto 30 helium balloons and then let them go. I thought that was a nice idea. I have a lot of questions and unresolved feelings about her death that I don't need to go into right now, but I'm sure if you've ever lost a loved one to suicide, you can totally and completely relate. Its just.....weird and really sad. I finally did a layout for my scrapbook about her death and as I was journaling I realized that I'm actually quite angry about it, which felt sort of wrong to me even though I know its a valid feeling. I'm not quite sure what to do with that one. Anyway, I'm trying to treasure every day with my loved ones because you just never know, and that's the only real conclusion I can come up with right now.

1 comment:

  1. I love how you chose to remember her. I think the anger thing is totally normal and natural, but I can understand how you'd feel weird or bad about it.


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