Some rambling

I find it hard to believe its already October. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it--in fact I love autumn and October is the highpoint for me--I just find it hard to believe that its already here. Time passes so quickly sometimes. Too quickly, maybe.

I finally spent some time alone today--went to Barnes & Noble this morning while Kera was at preschool and you won't believe this, but I wrote a little! Yeah, crazy, huH? Nothing too impressive, just some random thoughts and ideas I've had lately about a possible longer piece of fiction. (I'm not brave enough to say the "n" word yet). And my brainstorming went well, the latte & bagel probably helped. Then I browsed the books on writing and thoroughly enjoyed that, finding about ten books I wanted to buy right then and there. I limited myself to two, (a prompt book and also one titled "The Portable MFA in Creative Writing" which seems really promising so far), and then picked out two fun books for my mom's birthday this week. But while I was there I couldn't help but have a few thoughts...

One was, maybe just maybe, this next year will be the year I finally write a novel (the "n" word). Although it would be awesome to have it published, that isn't my goal, my goal is merely to write one. For me, a poet at heart, that is quite the task since I've adhered to "less is more" and the beauty in the sound of words since I began writing. I honestly can't fathom how one writes something longer than a page or two. Thinking of developing characters, plot and all that is a little overwhelming, but I've had some ideas popping in my head that require more than verse, so it seems like a logical progression. (I am also very inspired by a popular author that started as a stay at home mom, I can't help but dream about my big break). I've thought that maybe this is the year to try NaNoWriMo, but not sure I'm wanting to make that big of a commitment in the busiest time of year. But, 2008 was my half-marathon year, so I'm thinking 2009 can be my novel year, whether I do it in one month or not.(probably not)

Today as I wandered through the stacks of books, thinking about my recent ideas for my long fiction piece, I was struck by how many books there already are out there. So I thought about all the books out there I haven't read. What if my idea has already been written? What if my thoughts are nothing new? And so my logical thought process brings me back to the conclusion that has haunted me. An idea that I think I've always had in the back of my mind, keeping me from really investing myself in my writing....

Why should I write anything, its not like this world needs another poem/book/story/etc.

Can you relate? There I was feeling kind of excited about my ideas and my self-doubt just punched me in the gut. Its so frustrating!! Anyway, I'm not quitting the writing thing, just venting.